a self-serving recitation of self-deprecating vanity.
INTJ on the extreme end of introvert. check your myers-briggs six. i have to force anything even remotely extroverted. as a matter of fact, i wish that all customer service cockroaches and cashiers could just read my mind. it would save me a whole lot of verbal change.i don’t mind being the boisterous rabblerouser even when it means i seem over eager or desperate. truth is, i’m one of the most asocial, indifferent, socially apathetic people you will be privileged to never know. my take on social anythings is that if people gather to make idle chit chat and witty banter, i prefer to observe rather than partake. of course i get the irresistible urge to chime in and guffaw with others. and of course i occasionally revel in the energy of a good crowd, but it’s cuz i’m easily amused. i don’t need to feel and smell the hot breath of others to keep warm and sated. you will NEVER hear me refer to myself as a “social butterfly”. it’s why i love being a little brown recluse on the fringe of the interwebs. it’s cold and distant and doesn’t feign connection. lovely cold hard detachment.
so what better way to be a nuisance than to try to coordinate others for a gathering. my obsessive organizational, compulsive coordination, and irrational need to reach 100% completion on non-essential tasks make me prone to getting into a frenzy of activity when planning anything ever.
usually i get paid to do it. i’ve honed a start-up career out of a nesting instinct. i get paid to do what comes naturally to me. but on occasion i find myself involved in something outside work. rare but certain. it’s cool, i keep track of where people and things get off to. if someone in the department needs some obscure office tool or random scrap of data, i’m the go-to wench. i’m the hub of this office for a reason. i collect and store information. it’s what i do to pay for my right to exist in this world so, of course, it’s a habit, too. the talents come in handy and sometimes they result in kickass birthday parties for my kids and family. but sometimes things end in exasperated sighs from other apathetic folks who don’t even care to fake it for the sake of posterity.
but once in awhile, once in a very blue moon kind of while, i get that itch to be around other people. and as i’m filing through my mental catalogue of friends i keep at a distance, i realize i’d rather continue the extensive affair that i began with my dvd player than take a shower and drive anywhere. so then i turn to electronic means of keeping track of people. it saves me gas and cheekaches resulting from a persistent friendly smile (when you’re cheeks are as…prominent as mine, you don’t want to hold them up for extended periods of time). you think i’m kidding. please be so kind as to look at exhibit A: on none of my “social networking” sites will you see pictures of me with anyone but my own kids and occasionally, family members. please note the subtle absence of pictures of me anywhere but in my office or at the park. exhibit B: when’s the last time you actually saw me in public or, as a matter of fact, even heard my voice? i can all but guarantee you have not accidentally run into me frolicking on 6th street or lurking in the warehouse district in the past 4 or so years. exhibit C (which i can’t prove): 98% of my texts/phonecalls are to my bf.
yeah, i get it. you don’t care. me neither, truly. but what i’m talking about here is the unspoken RSVP request. a simple “can’t make it” would help my poor mind let it go. don’t think that i don’t call and/or email the superintendent’s office until i get a yes or no answer from his secretary for our department meetings. damn right. and he’s the 2008 austinite of the year. believe that.
if it’s a bust, then i can at least say i tried. if you’re asocial, hit me up (electronically, of course) and let’s not hang out sometime.
