and one’s last is to come to terms with everything.” Georg C. Lichtenberg
an anonymous passerby had questions. my attempt to answer them is the best i could do on 26 years worth of life experience notice.
Were you ever scared to grow up?
yes. it still freaks me out a little. but the minute anything starts to bother me too much, i start ignoring it. worry is something that grows by what it feeds on, it is never satisfied and never grows tired. and i understand what you mean about worrying about things that seem too “old” for someone your age to be thinking about. feeling anxious about things that aren’t familiar just means you’re an exceptionally observant person. i remember being a little girl during Desert Storm. i worried constantly about war and people who were starving and the homeless and children and the elderly. it made me a very anxious and frequently sad kid. but i kept it all inside and only observed the suffering. after awhile, those worried turned into big dreams of making changes about the things that worry me. i still worry and get low about things, but you can choose to take action on your worries, or you can choose to just plain worry.
the funny thing about “growing up” is that you really won’t even notice it while it’s happening. you may notice certain things as they change, but it’s not like you’ll be able to look back and say it happened on a certain day. for instance, you may notice that you don’t look at things the same way, or that you don’t react the same way to stuff. all this shows is that you’re learning and changing. maybe change is what’s scary for you.
I am and I don’t know what to do. (scared to grow up)
this is not to be negative, but there’s just not a whole lot for you to do. if you think about it, it’s a positive thing. you don’t HAVE to do ANYTHING about it. i love when i don’t have to do ANYTHING. time moves forward without our help. it’s like a river, you can either chill and let the current take you OR you can fight the current (but it’s going to take you whether you fight it or not). it seems intimidating. but fighting is what makes it scarier. try to be an observer of your own fear. look at your fear from a distance and think about it without letting emotions get involved, especially fear. try to be aware of what thoughts or worries are bothering you the most and every time you catch yourself starting to freak out, STOP, look down on yourself from somewhere else, and slow down. try to figure out the underlying cause. for instance, i knew a counselor where i work that said everything that makes us unhappy or anxious usually boils down to one or both of two emotions: fear or disappointment.
i hated that theory for a long time. but either way, it stayed in my head. so when i look at a situation, i try to calculate down to the smallest increment. and for me it usually ends up being anger. but anger is just fear with a bad attitude. and i’ve got plenty of that and it gets in my way sometimes.
for example: if you get overwhelmed thinking about what you’re going to be when you “grow up”, STOP, and tell yourself “ok all i can control is NOW. is what i’m doing right now healthy for me and is it something that is good?” you don’t have to grow up. as a matter of fact, i think it’s a horrible idea. when you grow up, you become a pirate (at least that’s what peter pan says)
Everything worries me, mostly time.
i still worry about time from time to time. worrying may just be a part of your personality. you may ponder on a thought constantly and want to figure it out so badly that you make yourself upset. the problem with worries is that they seldom have answers. what you have to figure out is how to make it productive worrying. can you write a song about it? can you sketch a picture? can you go out and take it out on a punching bag?is there something that you can do to take part in whatever is worrying you?
people that worry a lot usually cause harm to their bodies in some way. their heads may hurt all the time. they may chew their nails. their stomachs hurt. they’re extremely grumpy or impatient. i do all of those things except chew my nails.
Where I’ll end up…
i don’t know. but, so far, nothing but good news. you will end up where you decide to end up. of course there are things that will happen that are not in your control. and right now it feels like you have very little control of your life, which is mostly true for any teenager. but as you get older your parents will give you more and more control over every aspect of your life. you work with the freedom you have. patience.
…and Who I’ll be worries me the most.
well, the good news is that you’ll be you. You’ll be the same person but with more experience and more freedom.
I know that I’m too young to worry about that kinda stuff but I do.
you’re not too young. there’s nothing bad about thinking about the things that worry you. the only bad comes from letting it affect you negatively. you may get so wrapped up in worrying that you forget to just live and be peaceful.
I don’t know why and I’m afraid I’m becoming paranoid.
eventually you’ll get to a point where you’ll have to decide how you want to feel. your options will be:
1. to give in and continue being weighed down by all your worries
OR
2. you will nip it in the bud and decide to discipline your mind and emotions. disciplining your mind and emotions is one of the hardest things for any person to do. many adults still don’t know how to do it and others overdo it by being uptight and rigid. BALANCE is important. Other people just drink, do drugs, or take medication to calm down. If you can discipline your mind, even if it takes your whole life to figure out how to do it, it’s a good thing.
Did you like school? I hate it. I hate putting up with the crappy people.
there are crappy people everywhere. at school, at work, at the library, in the grocery store, on the road, in restaurants. but there are also a lot of good people. they’re just harder to find. build your crapp-people coping skills. it looks good on a resume. they call it “customer service.” crappy kids grow up and usually become decent. but many just turn into crappy adults.
i liked school for the learning. still do. but nobody tells you that half the people there are busy thinking about everything BUT school. those other kids are learning and changing like you except more than likely they’re worried about how they look, what to do on the weekend, why their parents are so mean, who likes who, etc. etc. etc. they don’t know what they’re doing. they really don’t. even when a kid acts like he/she has it all figured out, they don’t. not even close. the wisest thing to realize is that you don’t know anything. most adults don’t even have that one figured out yet. no one does. not even us “grown ups”. we may understand things a little better because of experience, but we’re just guessing our way through life, hoping we’re doing what’s right and good. “I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.”
Does it get better? People I’ve talked to say middle school is the worst.
yes, middle school is worse. and yes, it gets better. let me tell you why middle school is the worst. it’s a very simple explanation actually. after about age 11 kids start questioning . and adults don’t usually like to explain themselves. the need to question and rebel just reveals that a kid is starting to think for his or herself. i think it’s a great thing. but at the same time, adults don’t realize that honesty and flexibility are the best policies. it’s not like they should let you throw keg parties and drive race cars on the highway, but you should definitely demand freedom of speech and petition. just let them know it’s in the constitution.
Is high school any better? If not then when does it become better?
high school is that foggy place between childhood and independence. it’s quieter because kids aren’t rebelling as much. but it’s also a time when kids are taking on new responsibilities, so it can be a little stressful, too.
Do you still like the same stuff you use to when you were my age?
yes. i’m a complete and utter child. i appreciate my old stuff in a new way. i leave each thing for awhile and go back to it when i remember or miss it. i used to think that i should keep it to myself. especially in high school and junior high. i could happily eat a bowl of cereal and watch sesame street any day of the week. i still can. i read the same calvin and hobbes comic books that i’ve read a million times. i watch disney movies. i jump on the bed when the kids aren’t home (i’ll let them when they’re older, it’s just that they could fall off). i eat marshmellows and spoil my dinner. i shamelessly stuff my mouth with pizza wh enever i can. i make corny jokes and i snort when i laugh sometimes. as you get older, embarrassment is less frequent. people who stay like kids as they grow into adulthood are usually referred to as nerds. it’s a badge you can proudly wear. own it.
I like music a lot. It’s more like love music. But It doesn’t sound the same or feel the same. Not like it use to. I’m scared I’m losing it. The one thing that felt right is now so wrong. Sometimes I think I use music as a security blanket. What should I do?
take a break from time to time. fear and love don’t co-exist very well. ever heard of a term called synaptic fatigue? it’s a scientific term that describes why nerve endings quit sensing certain things after a prolonged exposure to something. like when you get so used to hearing the hum of an air conditioner that you forget it’s on. what happens when the a/c shuts off? you’re suddenly aware of the extra quietness. then when it comes on again you’re aware of it until it’s been on awhile. and so on and so on. you’re basically numbing yourself out a little bit. and maybe you are using it as a security blanket. so what. is that really such a bad thing? it’s not like it’s drugs or violence or illegal things. it’s music. one of the most precious and beautiful gifts humans have ever been given the ability to make. but balance is a very important thing to have in your life. in most religions, moderation and balance are emphasized. extremes have a way of tiring the soul and mind. the music will be there when you’re ready to go back to it. and you don’t have to feel like you’re missing out when you take breaks. you can catch up.
